I am Standing upon the Seashore

Several people have asked for a copy of the poem that Beth read at the thanksgiving service last week, so we thought we'd put it on here. I'll also add a photo of our little Heron sailing dinghy which made it to the service too; it seemed to tie in nicely with the poem. 

I Am Standing Upon The Seashore

Henry Van Dyke 

I am standing upon the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads her white

sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength.

I stand and watch her until at length

she hangs like a speck of white cloud

just where the sea and sky come

to mingle with each other. 

Then, someone at my side says;

"There, she is gone!" 

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull

and spar as she was when she left my side

and she is just as able to bear her

load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. 

And just at the moment when someone

at my side says, "There, she is gone!"

There are other eyes watching her coming,

and other voices ready to take up the glad shout;

"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

Signs of Love

Thank you to everyone who sent cards, flowers and/or joined us for Alan's thanksgiving service (and thank you to the young strong guys who lifted the boat in and out - and the girls who did the flowers!) We were really touched by the amount of people that came to join us in saying farewell to Alan and to give thanks for his life, and to those that helped us behind the scenes. 

Looking back, there are so many ways that God was preparing us for what was ahead, and sharing His love for us:

We were in the garden and Alan was playing with Ayla and Logan - an exaggerated hide and seek game! I heard a little voice in me saying "video this, you won't see him again like this for a while." and a picture came in to my head of one of the last photos of my Dad before he died with youngest grandson Matthew. It's one of those things you do and ponder in your heart what it all means. 

In the Old Testament of the Bible people showed their love for God by sacrificing something precious on an altar. I felt that God was saying to me to lay Alan on God's altar. I was hoping it would be an Isaac outcome and God would give him back to me for a while longer. Abraham thought God told him to sacrifice his son, Isaac - I might be a heretic but I'm not convinced he heard right as God had previously condemned all the child sacrifice going on in the other nations around! Anyway, Abraham was going to prove his love for God by doing just that and then God provided a replacement sacrifice and gave Isaac back to him. 

Ayla sometimes enjoys playing on the Children's Bible App on my phone and recently she was doing the story of Abraham. The phrase that kept coming up was " and God said trust me." - that has been resounding in my mind time and time again. 

One day, coming back from hospital, I asked Alan if he would like to go out around the seafront. We went past the Ships & Castles entrance and a little deer popped up, crossed the road and disappeared on the other side. We've got a thing about deer when we're travelling - always asking each other "have you seen a deer, dear?" It seemed a very silly thing, but just seemed like God's expression of love joining us in our silliness. 

We have so much to be thankful for. We managed an outing for my birthday in May to St Mawes, where Alan took the grandchildren sailing and chased them around the beach. I am grateful that we didn't have to watch him suffering for a long time, and that my outgoing, full of life husband was with me right up until God's heavenly team took him to his new address. 

Love Sue

Thanksgiving Service

We will be having a thanksgiving service for Alan on Friday 19th July at 1.30pm at Falmouth Methodist Church. If you are able and wish to come, please wear what you're comfy in - it's what Alan would have wanted. Please bring a pebble to use during the service as a token of thanksgiving and remembrance. We invite you to the Membly Hall Hotel on the sea front afterwards for light refreshments and further memories.

Trail of Hearts

We continued the tight rope walk last night, trying to distinguish between treatment and relief of discomfort and pain. The nursing staff put up an antibiotic drip which Alan reacted badly to – he wanted it ‘off’ – we got it ‘off’, but he was still trying to communicate something to us in his breathless state. He kept saying ‘it’s so simple’ ‘off’ – his family finally got the message – he wanted everything switched off; oxygen, saltine, monitor etc ‘off’. If he was going to ‘live again’ it would be by God’s power and if not, he wanted to depart as many a friend of God before him ASAP, and ‘you get home to bed’ as he told me the previous night.

We, his closest family, said our goodbyes and tried to clumsily express our love for him as we entrusted him into God’s care. My time for loving and cherishing ended at approx. 11:20pm as he uttered his last breath and God’s heavenly team took over.

Ayla had also left us a message to pass onto ‘Bampa’. She was concerned as to how she’d find Bampa in heaven when she got up there – she wanted him to leave a trail of hearts. Shouldn’t be too difficult for a Bampa who touched so many hearts with God’s love, as he lived the life God called him to – sharing Jesus with anyone who would listen.

Thank you for the cloak of prayer and love that you have put around us.

Alan Update

Things have taken a backslide since being at home.  On Friday Alan went in to the health center for what should have been a routine drain of his lung, however, there was a blockage, we were asked to go to the hospital in the morning.  He was struggling and breathing was laboured, but, made it in, there things deteriorated and we ended up in the Resus ward under constant watch.  The cause of which was an infection in the lung, which they continue to treat on one of the main wards.

It very much feels like we are in a tightrope, hoping and praying for the best, but, having to have the discussions of the worst.  Continuing to rely less on anything we can do but daily relying more on him.  He is sustaining us and continues to give hope in the anticipation of Alan pulling through, but ultimately asking for Him to be glorified.

Thank you for your prayers and support,

Much love,

Nathan

Ups and Downs

Alan had the talc procedure done on Tuesday, to stick the lining of his lung to the lung itself in the hope that fluid wouldn’t build up as much. Apparently it works in 60-80% of cases and if it works then it can be quite painful. 

On Wednesday, Alan was in quite a bit of pain which he thought was good in some ways as it meant the procedure might have worked. Oramorph (morphine) helped to ease things a little and he was looking pleasantly dopey when I left him that evening! 

Things have been up and down since then. His breathing is occasionally a bit better, and he’s able to shower without the oxygen on a good day. 

Alan has just finished a course of antibiotics for an infection. He seems to be coping with things quite well and is still in good spirits despite the waves rolling in one after the other in our current storm. 

The ward is incredibly hot. I managed to find a second hand fan for sale and get it PAT tested the same day (Thanks Rick!) and took it up to the hospital. God had obviously gone before us, as the hospital were okay with me taking it in. 

I am beginning to put things in place so that when Alan comes home, it’s a bit more comfortable for him. My sister managed to find a reclining chair so that on the days when Alan doesn’t have the breath to get upstairs, he can hopefully sleep slightly more upright in the chair. 

Yesterday morning I noticed that Alan’s legs, feet and knees, as well as his tummy are looking swollen and a slightly different shape. The doctor reckons that fluid could be building up there too, and he had an x-ray yesterday afternoon. Please pray that the swelling will go down either supernaturally or by medical means. I spoke to the cancer nurse and she said that his protein levels are low and that might be the cause so we're 'upting' the protein when we get him home.

Despite the waves throwing us around a bit, we are still generally at peace although I do occasionally have my moments. 

I am so blessed by the Kiftsgate climbing rose - it is covered with gently scented blossom at the moment and I usually sit under it to have my breakfast. There are petals gently falling around me and each one is heart shaped. Reminds me of the love of God, family and friends. Thank you for all your love and support.

Hot off the press - just had a call that he's coming home this afternoon! And I haven't mowed the lawn! 

Love Sue