Steve has captured the speaking parts of Alan's thanksgiving service on video, so if you missed it or would like to recall what was said, please click on the link below.
Watch: Alan's Thanksgiving Service
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
Monday, August 26, 2019
Even Keel?!
.....well I was on an even keel but as Thursday dawned, I awoke tired and tearful. The plan was a work day at Lowen Christian Centre (previously know as Lebanon Christian Centre), but Alan and I had always done that together - I sobbed! I delegated the B&Q shop to Nathan and Zoe - didn't want to disturb a poor member of staff by bursting into tears requesting sand and cement! Alan always got that and was very pleased with his B&Q diamond card! Now, regrettably, only valid in the garden dept.
I eventually got myself together enough to drive and was thankful that it was only family and close friends to see my new look - red, puffy eyes are not flattering!
Zoe and I managed to complete building the wall Alan started, so that was one success - rustic though it was.
Since then though, I've been feeling vulnerable and wondering if I've been wise in all my decisions. I've been pushing on getting stuff done, which has involved seeing and talking to quite a lot of people and not taking much time out; when I am someone who needs space to recover. I did have my young friend, Beth, to stay for this weekend so that made me take some beach time; and sea swims are always restorative for me.
I feel even more vulnerable sharing all this, but was encouraged by a Sue Ryder post that it is important to talk about death and how we cope with it.
Steve Sykes has recorded the speaking parts of the service so if you missed it or want to recall what was said, Beth is hoping to add it to this blog soon.
I eventually got myself together enough to drive and was thankful that it was only family and close friends to see my new look - red, puffy eyes are not flattering!
Zoe and I managed to complete building the wall Alan started, so that was one success - rustic though it was.
Since then though, I've been feeling vulnerable and wondering if I've been wise in all my decisions. I've been pushing on getting stuff done, which has involved seeing and talking to quite a lot of people and not taking much time out; when I am someone who needs space to recover. I did have my young friend, Beth, to stay for this weekend so that made me take some beach time; and sea swims are always restorative for me.
I feel even more vulnerable sharing all this, but was encouraged by a Sue Ryder post that it is important to talk about death and how we cope with it.
Steve Sykes has recorded the speaking parts of the service so if you missed it or want to recall what was said, Beth is hoping to add it to this blog soon.
Wednesday, August 14, 2019
How are you doing?
'How am I doing?' seems to be the question of the moment.
The truth is, 'I don't know'. Perhaps those of you who have walked this way before, can tell me.
Alan still seems incredibly close - I do believe God has got him and God has got me. Also, after 37 years of living, loving and, often, working together, you do become part and parcel of each others lives.
At times I feel overwhelmed by all the practical stuff you have to sort, do and the bureaucracy of it all. For instance - car insurance - because Alan was the main driver the 'No claims bonus' was in his name. Transferring it to me is not simple even though I have been driving for 41 years without an accident - well, apart from knocking down a gatepost with a tractor in my teens (no insurance involved!) and a few minor scratches and bumps! (Sorry Nath - your van was a bit bigger than our car!!) I've spent hours going around in circles trying to tick the right boxes with the cheaper insurance companies.
Alan and I always joked that if I died first, he'd hear my voice ringing in his ear, 'You're not going out looking like that are you?!' and if he died first, I'd hear his voice saying, 'I shouldn't worry about it'. So I'm trying not to. The Bible says, 'Don't worry about anything, pray about everything and don't forget to thank God for his answers'.
I've been surprised to find that I'm not an emotional wreck! The first few days were very emotional for all the family and close friends - tears one minute and laughter the next. Since then though, apart from tears welling up at odd times - singing hymns in church, picking up the ashes (they are heavier than you expect!), when overwhelmed by practicalities etc, I've been on a pretty even keel. We did have a conversation before he died when I shared with him that I didn't think it was fair that we'd be down here mourning loosing him and he wouldn't shed a tear. The Bible says there are no tears in heaven. Perhaps he had a word with God?! I suppose, too, that the knowledge that this separation is only temporary and I'll be with him again in Heaven (in however many years I've got - 5, 10, or even 20!) is helping. The previous generation have not had too good a record of living long, though they have lived well! Mum and Dad died at 71 and 72 with cancer, but again, were only ill for a short time. They, nor Alan, would have appreciated deteriorating year upon year. I think Alan's dad's death was the most traumatic - he collapsed on the beach after going for a swim. Although they knew he wasn't well, it was such a shock. His mum holds the record for living the longest - until age 81.
I've been reading a book called, 'Heaven changes everything' - and it does. The book is by Todd and Sonja Burpo and is about their four year old son's near death experience and the things he shared with them about it. I'm finding it quite interesting and comforting.
Finally, I feel like I have been carried by people's prayers. Thank you!
Love Sue
The truth is, 'I don't know'. Perhaps those of you who have walked this way before, can tell me.
Alan still seems incredibly close - I do believe God has got him and God has got me. Also, after 37 years of living, loving and, often, working together, you do become part and parcel of each others lives.
At times I feel overwhelmed by all the practical stuff you have to sort, do and the bureaucracy of it all. For instance - car insurance - because Alan was the main driver the 'No claims bonus' was in his name. Transferring it to me is not simple even though I have been driving for 41 years without an accident - well, apart from knocking down a gatepost with a tractor in my teens (no insurance involved!) and a few minor scratches and bumps! (Sorry Nath - your van was a bit bigger than our car!!) I've spent hours going around in circles trying to tick the right boxes with the cheaper insurance companies.
Alan and I always joked that if I died first, he'd hear my voice ringing in his ear, 'You're not going out looking like that are you?!' and if he died first, I'd hear his voice saying, 'I shouldn't worry about it'. So I'm trying not to. The Bible says, 'Don't worry about anything, pray about everything and don't forget to thank God for his answers'.
I've been surprised to find that I'm not an emotional wreck! The first few days were very emotional for all the family and close friends - tears one minute and laughter the next. Since then though, apart from tears welling up at odd times - singing hymns in church, picking up the ashes (they are heavier than you expect!), when overwhelmed by practicalities etc, I've been on a pretty even keel. We did have a conversation before he died when I shared with him that I didn't think it was fair that we'd be down here mourning loosing him and he wouldn't shed a tear. The Bible says there are no tears in heaven. Perhaps he had a word with God?! I suppose, too, that the knowledge that this separation is only temporary and I'll be with him again in Heaven (in however many years I've got - 5, 10, or even 20!) is helping. The previous generation have not had too good a record of living long, though they have lived well! Mum and Dad died at 71 and 72 with cancer, but again, were only ill for a short time. They, nor Alan, would have appreciated deteriorating year upon year. I think Alan's dad's death was the most traumatic - he collapsed on the beach after going for a swim. Although they knew he wasn't well, it was such a shock. His mum holds the record for living the longest - until age 81.
I've been reading a book called, 'Heaven changes everything' - and it does. The book is by Todd and Sonja Burpo and is about their four year old son's near death experience and the things he shared with them about it. I'm finding it quite interesting and comforting.
Finally, I feel like I have been carried by people's prayers. Thank you!
Love Sue
Friday, August 9, 2019
Beach BBQ
We would like to invite you to a BBQ on Gylly Beach on Sunday 18th August 2019* at 3pm to share memories of Alan and have fun together.
We will provide burgers, sausages and a vegetarian option but if you'd like anything else, feel free to bring it. We'll also provide tea and coffee but would be grateful if people could bring soft drinks. We'll have some mugs and cups but it might be useful to bring your own.
*If the weather is not great, we'll do it on Sunday 25th August at 3pm instead.
We will provide burgers, sausages and a vegetarian option but if you'd like anything else, feel free to bring it. We'll also provide tea and coffee but would be grateful if people could bring soft drinks. We'll have some mugs and cups but it might be useful to bring your own.
*If the weather is not great, we'll do it on Sunday 25th August at 3pm instead.
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'How am I doing?' seems to be the question of the moment. The truth is, 'I don't know'. Perhaps those of you who have ...