Even Keel?!

.....well I was on an even keel but as Thursday dawned, I awoke tired and tearful. The plan was a work day at Lowen Christian Centre (previously know as Lebanon Christian Centre), but Alan and I had always done that together - I sobbed! I delegated the B&Q shop to Nathan and Zoe - didn't want to disturb a poor member of staff by bursting into tears requesting sand and cement! Alan always got that and was very pleased with his B&Q diamond card! Now, regrettably, only valid in the garden dept.

I eventually got myself together enough to drive and was thankful that it was only family and close friends to see my new look - red, puffy eyes are not flattering! 
Zoe and I managed to complete building the wall Alan started, so that was one success - rustic though it was. 

Since then though, I've been feeling vulnerable and wondering if I've been wise in all my decisions. I've been pushing on getting stuff done, which has involved seeing and talking to quite a lot of people and not taking much time out; when I am someone who needs space to recover. I did have my young friend, Beth, to stay for this weekend so that made me take some beach time; and sea swims are always restorative for me.

I feel even more vulnerable sharing all this, but was encouraged by a Sue Ryder post that it is important to talk about death and how we cope with it. 

Steve Sykes has recorded the speaking parts of the service so if you missed it or want to recall what was said, Beth is hoping to add it to this blog soon.